Boyz Night In
by plink
Summary: The sequel to the insanity of Boyz Night Out. Not as good though. Don't read it unless you want to laugh at my stupidity.


Boyz Nite In

Boyz Nite In

_Run now while you can!_

_ _

It was a warm afternoon, dark storm clouds on the horizon, and a very angry spiky headed blond kicking an empty Coca-Cola-can in frustration.

It wasn't fair!

How was he supposed to know that they'd do that?!?!

His pride was still burning after the incident a few nights ago-they'd crashed Vincent's place, and partied on all night. A prank allowed Vince' and Sephy to sneak into the girls party, and, and…!

"AARRRGGGHH!!"

_It was so UNFAIR!!!!_

And now…_now Tifa and Vincent were…'Going out'…oh, the nerve of that bastard! How was it that the most unbalanced member of AVALANCHE got sex on a regular basis?_

Ooooh, it made him so mad… 

And…and…!

Lots of mile away (I have no sense of math's…just ask my teacher!) in Nibelheim, Sephiroth sighed, picked up his nice shiny new red pen and went over the checklist for about the…um…dozenth time.

"There is such a thing as a 'dozenth'?" He asked, aloud.

Shhh! Don't talk to me! I'm the narrator!

"Oh sorry, Dragon!"

So you should be. Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted, _Sephiroth, I was to tell the readers what was going on. Like this: Arranging a party of one's own is a hard task, but when you're as highly-strung as Vincent, anything is possible…_

Sephiroth looked up at the person walking down the stairs, and grinned. 

"Took you long enough."

"He was struggling. I had to tie him down."

"I didn't know you were into bondage!"

Tifa gave him a dirty look. "I'm not, you kinky bastard. Ah!" She raised a finger. "I don't want to hear what you do with that slut Aeris! That's your business, not mine!"

"Aeris is not a slut! Just experienced…that's all!" Sephiroth blushed.

"Oookay." Tifa held out a hand and counted of her fingers one by one. "Tseng. Cloud. Zack. You. I heard she's been seen with Squall-"

"No! Not fur boy! Not ever!"

"Is he coming tonight?"

"NO!" 

"Geez, don't fill your pants! I only asked!" Tifa put her item pouch on the dining room table. It sounded empty.

"Umm, how many Tranks did you put into Vincent?"

"No, the question is, how much coffee did you put into his drink this morning? Or was it Hypers? Dammit, Jenova-boy! He's been bouncing off the walls all day! I've never seen him so energetic!"

"Except in bed."

"Yes!" She paused, and blushed, realizing what she'd just said. "No! What he's like in bed is my affair not yours!"

"Speaking of affairs-"

"Oh, shut up, Sephiroth!"

Night fell (Rather heavily, bruising its' bottom.) and the mansion was glowing with little fairy lights.

"Woooo! How long did it take you to catch all those little fairies?" 

"Ages! They only hang around at the bottom of the garden, around those stupid rings of freakin' toadstools! And that pink one there bit me!" Sephiroth stroked the bandage covering his hand. It seemed a little large…

"Is that why you nailed it by it's wings to the door?"

"Yes, and the fact it did the finger at me!"

"Oh diddums!" Reno grinned like a child at Christmas, and eyed the mansion. "Can I go in? Please? Please?"

"No. Not yet."

"Aww, Sephiroth! Please? With sugar on top?!"

"No!"

"_Plleeeaaassseeee?!"_

"Oh _shut up!!!" Sephiroth spat "Okay!! Go in for Christ's sake, and leave me alone!!"_

"WooHoo!"

Reno, in a haze of joy, ran into the door. Hard. 

"He's going to feel that in the morning!"

"I think he is feeling it now!"

Sephiroth smiled at the two men standing there. "Hi Zell. Hi Seifer."

His turquoise eyes picked out the DVD Zell was carrying.

"_Finally!! You bought it back! I thought I was never going to see it again!!"_

"You and your 'Ghost in the Shell' Jeez, you can't function with out it can you?"

"Well, it's better than that stupid Mandy More fixation that Rude has…"

The three of them shuddered.

"Has Rufus arrived yet?" Asked Seifer, hopefully

"Uh…no…I'm not sure…I had a nap today…"

"…?!"

Sephiroth frowned. "Tifa wanted to be sure that I wouldn't become Mr. Cranky-Pants and try and destroy the world again…"

Squall Leonheart opened his eyes, blearily, and through the PHS against the wall. 

Who was calling him at this hour?

Come to think about it, _why were they calling at this hour?_

Was it something he'd done? Said? Something-

"Squall! Squall! Are you there ya great big pussy?!"

"I beg your pardon? Who is this?!"

"It's Barret Wallace from Final Fantasy 7. I was thinkin'-"

"Don't think, you pathetic mass of polygons. You'll hurt yourself!"

"Hey, I'm tha' stoopid!"

"Look you…you…you _thing you! Why are you calling great and powerful me at this moment? I want nothing to do with an outdated piece of crap like you. FF7 is so…so 1997!! FF8 now rules the roost-"_

At that moment, the author, i.e ME got seriously upset at Squall's comment, and decided that revenge is a dish best served cold…but on with the story…

"Look, pretty boy! Your bum-buddies Zell an' Seifer are hangin' with some buds of mine, an' I think that you an' my boss" He spat the word disgustedly " Think tha' mebbe you might wanna come on down an' give us a hand."

"Zell?" Well, if the chicken wanted to make friends with silly little anime characters, he could, but Seifer?

"What exactly are they doing?" He asked, suspiciously.

"S' biggest party I ever sawed, man! They's inviting _everyone!!"_

"Except me!!"

The party was in full swing, and everyone was having a good time.

"Hey Spyro, wanna come over here and light my cigarette?" Cid asked wistfully.

The little purple dragon gave him a worried look. "Uh, didn't Tifa and Sephiroth search you when you came in?"

"Umm yeah…" Cid paused. "Sephiroth seemed to enjoy it…"

"Didn't they take away you smokes? Your lighters and stuff?"

"Yeah" said Cid, sadly. "All 15 of 'em."

"Then…where did that cigarette come from?"

"An old friend of mine showed me how to conceal a packet of smokes! I smuggled 'em in-"

"AARRRGGHHH!! Don't tell me!! I DON"T WANT TO KNOOOOWWWW!!!"

The little dragon ran off into the crowd.

"Poor kid." He paused and noticed someone walking towards him.

"Oh, hi Snake. Uh…what's the matter?"

"Tifa caught me smoking…" Solid Snake muttered, sweating nervously. "In fact it was my own _brother who sprung me! Cocky bastard!"_

"What did they do?"

Solid Snake took a deep breath. "Cavity search."

"Ooh" Cid murmured sympathetically.

"Anal probe!" whimpered Snake. 

"I can't believe my own brother tried to something as stupid as that"

"You're heartless, Liquid!"

"Ah, revenge, my vampiric friend, is a dish best served cold."

Raziel nodded. "But you're dead…"

"So are you, but am I complaining?"

The SoulReaver shrugged. "Seen Kain?"

"Uh, let me think…umm…If you want Kain, he challenged Meryl Silverburg and Rhinoa Heartily to a game of Twister…" 

"Argh! He gets all the damned luck, doesn't he?!" Raziel growled. "It is soo unfair! I have to go through all those stupid clans for no Goddamned reason!!" He paused. "If you want me, I'll be in the Spiritual Plain. Sulking."

He disappeared, fading from view, leaving Liquid feeling a little disorientated. _And I won't even know if he's walking through me…uhh…bad thoughts…_

He turned his attention to a corner of the room where the owner of the house was being picked on.

"Mm. Fight."

"Stop hittin' yourself, stop hittin' yourself!"

"Oowww!!! Stop it Sydney!"

"Awww poor little wimp!"

"I'm warning you!"

"Look I have two claws! You only have one!!

"I will take those claws and shove them up your pitiful arse!"

"Wooo those are fighting words!!! Put 'em up, vampire boy!" Sydney jumped back, with an evil smile, and went into a fighting stance.

Vincent backed off. "The last time there was a fight, this house was almost destroyed! I am not going to fight you!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!!" Vincent took off his cape and put it over Sydney's head, then ran away, as fast as he could. The injuries from Ehrgeiz were still incredibly painful…

As he ran off, Raziel appeared, and found himself bowled over by a very angry Sydney.

"Outta the way, you idiot!"

"Idiot?! IDIOT!! AARRGGHHH!!"

"Give him hell, Raz'!"

"Go for the throat!"

"Get him!"

"Fight, fight, fight!!"

There was a loud crashing sound, and both fighters fell to the ground. Tifa stood behind them with a pot in both hands. 

"No one is to fight in my house. Understand?"

"Yes mummy…"

At that moment in time, outside the Nibelheim mansion, Squall, Cloud and Barret lay in wait for any unsuspecting victims.

They were going to have to wait a long, long time.

Seifer grinned at Tifa. "Isn't he cute?" He asked.

"…!"

Rufus wriggled in the head-lock. "Lemme go, Seifer! Lemme go!"

"I shall call him, Mini-Me!" giggled Seifer holding his little finger to his mouth, Dr. Evil style. (_Ugh, I'm getting twisted…!)_

"Nnnooooo!!!" Rufus continued to struggle. "Don't mess up my hair! DON"T MESS UP MY HAIR!!!"

"Oops, too late…!"

"AAAARRRGGHHH!!"

Tifa shook her head in distress. When those two _ever grow up?_

As she walked away, she heard a knock from the front door. She opened it. Stared.

"What the…?! How the hell did you get here?!"

"By bus." The speaker grinned. "By the way…uh…there are some guys out there plotting something horrible in the garden."

Vincent peered past Tifa's shoulder. "Oh, hi Dragon! I wasn't sure if you received your invitaion!" He gave her a big hug. "I luv my Dragon!"

"Ugh…get offa me! I didn't! I just wanted to crash your party because school is really boring!!"

"Cool. What was all that about someone in my garden?"

EarthDragon grinned evilly. "Squall, Barret, Cloud and a couple of cronies. I think they might be planning something."

"Mmm. Hey Sephiroth!" He paused. "Stop trying to root that pathetic purple dragon and get your sexually frustrated arse over here!"

Dragon stared in surprise. "…!"

"You're rubbing off on me" Vincent chuckled. "Hey, Seph', turns out that Cloud and co are at it again. I think it's time for some payback, don't you?"

Sephiroth's eyes glinted evilly. "Bring it on!"

One thing that I'm sure most practical jokers know is that you must never, ever, fall asleep on the job. To do so is to have a joke played on you…Right? 

Right!

As the first rays of dawn hit Nibelheim with the force of feathers, Squall woke up.

He was dimly aware that his legs were cold, and that there was a horrible breeze in his nether regions.

Someone giggled, softly.

His eyes snapped open, and he sat up, with a gasp of fear. He'd fallen asleep in the heathen's world! Damn FF7ers!! 

"Blaspheme against my boys will you?" growled a soft English voice. "You've been a bad, bad boy…"  
It was the voice every good guy dreads to hear. It speaks of horrible revenge, humiliating defeat, and above all _losing._

"…Earth…Dragon…?"

"Heh, heh, heh!" The brunette sniggered. "Blue looks great on you. So does cherry red lipstick!"

"AAARRRGGHH!!!"

"Hey, the photos are back!"

"Excellent!"

Tifa sat down on Vincent's lap and snuggled into him, with a warm smile on her face. Perhaps a little too warm, in Sephiroth's opinion. They'd probably done _it again…_

"Oooh, check out this one!"

"The Kodak guy gave me a really weird look when I got them back…probably thought I was some sort of pervert or something…"

"You are a pervert, Seph'!"

"Grr!"

"But we love you for it." Said Vincent, as sincerely as possible, without cracking up.

The first photo was a delightful group shot…of Ashley Riot, Squall, Cloud, and a few more guys in a heap, looking like they'd just had a drunken orgy.

The second, was a single shot of Squall in a delightfully small blue dress, and plenty of make up. More followed. Single guys and sometimes girls…Yuffie had been determined to kick Cid's arse for some reason known only to her… dressed in embarrassing clothing and make-up.

Oh, yes, people had had fun that night!

"Jeez, some of this shit is really incriminating…watcha gonna do with 'em?" asked Cid conversationally. He was glad he'd been invited…he hadn't wanted to annoy Vincent and Sephiroth again…they had powerful friends…

Vincent smiled leisurely. "I'm running a Website. Actually, to be honest, Rufus is running it."

Silence descended over the whole group.

"No way…"

"Someone has to take those bastards off their high horses!!"

~Plink 


End file.
